sweet :3

this is win :D

countdown till Star Trek is out: 7 days and counting! I am sooooooooo excited!!!!!!

in other news, my thumb hurts because i accidentally ripped my thumb nail too low, cut it way too past the quick, ya know? owtch. i keep reverting to staying up at night and sleeping during the day, which i hate because then i won't be able to do anything with anyone :P i'm still fucked in the long run. no one seems to be hiring Dx! so i'm fucked... but i found that i have a bit of credit on a card, so i'm just fine for the time being.

i'm down here in the springs now, and while i don't have a job (now taking donations for the "Gracie's Survival" fund! :P ) and money is not doing so well, things are soooooo much better! things in the house are getting more and more stable and things feel like they're getting much better. my sanity is slowly returning to normal :)

Tomorrow there are these people coming to photograph Mac and Daisey :D So i'm very excited! :D i got me some books to last me thought the days :)

but other then that, things are much better :)

I finally found the joke that i have been looking for for 7 years!

"Sipping Vodka


A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I'm worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon,he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:


1. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

2. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

3. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

4. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

5. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

6. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

7. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

8. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

9. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

10. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body."
He did not say"Eat me"

11. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"

12. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.

13. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

and lastly

14. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp."

things arn't doing doing so well...

I've been working with my tharapist and she says that she thinks i have severe situational depression and PTSD (aka: Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome). So as she put it, and which rings true to the bone, I am so depressed that even doing the simplest tasks are a challenge, and although i know that in order to get from point "D" You need to go through A, B, and C, but even getting past point A is hard for me right now. I don't have the will to do anything. And yes, readers, it has gotten so bad to the point that i don't want to be here anymore, but please, it is imperative that you must know that i am NOT suicidal! never in a million years! I'm too chicken and scared to do anything to myself, so please put those worries away, you have my heart's promise on my mother's soul!... but that still doesn't stop me from not wanting to be here anymore. i've often wished that something tragic would happen that is completely out of my control. Like if i got a virus, or a terminal disease.. Life is too hard and i keep failing at trying to live. I need someone to come live with me and show me how to live in an understanding, compassionate, parental way.... but where will i find that.

And what is making it worse is that no one that's around me in the immediate understands any of this! (my brother exempt) everyone keeps saying, in a tad more kind way, but still saying none the less, "Life sucks, things aren't going to get better, so suck it up and move on." What? NO! I can't do that! I can't even make the simplest choices! I would rather spend my entire day curled up in my bed doing nothing because i'm failing so bad at everything i do! why does no one understand that i need mental help! I mean, i can't even look in A-N-Y reflection with out being scared shitless that i'll see a girl like this:

standing stalk straight behind me, and just staring with her eyeless eyes.

Does all this sound like someone who can just "get over it"? excuse me, no! why won't anyone listen to me!

I want to just cry for no reason! litterally! i'm just sitting here watching Dogs 101 and i feel like crying! WTF!



Damn Hormones!

tonight i feel like a huge weight has been lifted! I got the check in the mail that will make everything right again! I've made a list of everything that needs to get done in the order that they need to be done in. and it feels great! like a huge weight/worry has been lifted from my overly stressed heart :) i feel like i can finally breathe :)

( And in other news (TMI possibility! You have been warned!) )

But in the long run, all is slowly becoming less and less stressful :) so looking forward to the Witches' Ball and Drama Drag Halloween Weekend '09 With host(ess) Nina Flowers! so i am totally stoked! not to mention Halloween's my fave time of the year!!!!! i'll have to do something to honor mom's b-day. Perhaps i will light a candle :)

Speaking of the Witches' Ball's and the Samhain ritual they have at midnight, i've figured out what to do with the room that was once the TV room :D It shall be my new alter room :D It's big, spacious, easy directions, and there's a door that can close :D perfect if you ask me :)

So all being said, i am soooo relieved and calm right now (aside from my aching back xO perhaps i should take a bath to soak away the pain?) :) I'm really glad to say that things feel like they did a long while ago :D!

so this evening i had my friend Justin over, whom i have been friends with for 11 years :O! and it was great :D i had so much fun talking about movies and games it was so awesome!

and he also inspired me to make a list of things that everyone whom i have ever meet must watch or else they are here by disowned as my friend. So with out a due, here is the list, in order from most important to things you might get away with not seeing/ playing/ etc!

1. Silent Hill 2

2. Session 9

3. Star Trek (2009)

4. Ghostbusters 1 & 2

5. Ironman

6. The Last Samurai

7. Dragon Ball Z (at least the first season)

8. Gackt (His Mars album is my favorite!)

9. Twilight (the book version)

10. Angel Sanctuary

Now go accomplish those things and you are indeed worthy to be called my friend :D! (or atleast do the top 3 :P)

the chaos that has happened int he past 2 weeks! i swear! I'll try my best to give a word by word account, so here it is!

so everything started around the 9th.i'm not the cleanest of people, i like my clutter and mess, it sorta feels loved to me, like it's lived in. But my landlord had other ideas along with the caretaker of the house because this very important council woman was coming on the 16th to look at the house. they bitched and moaned about me cleaning the place, so i cleaned it. but apparently they wanted the place to look like it isn't being lived in, which by my standard is ridiculous to ask because both me and Sara are, now -were-, still living there! how could we live with out living there? but i did clean the place up like he asked with the frantic help of my friends in the 24 hours notice that the caretaker gave me while forcing me to rent a storage space. jerk! he couldn't wait 2 days? gah! so i did which was extream stress on me because i was already under a lot of stress because i've been missing my mom a lot! but i went to NDK on the 11th-13th and it was great! what a mind release- enough of one to make me susceptible to a head cold and bronchitis that was apparently floating around NDK. so i was down and out for the count, still am. but on the 16th after the lady had been thorough i couldn't be apart from my puppies any more (i'd put them in the doggie hotel a week prior so i could clean for them). so i went to go get them. i got them and i didn't get my sick self 2 feet with int the door before my land lord appeared and started chewing me out that i had gotten the dogs and how "they can't be here for at least another week" and how "i hadn't givin him any choice about having them". That sent me over the edge. I had just spent 750$ for them to be in the doggie hotel for a week, and i'm not about to put them back in because i don't have that kind of money! so i said "fine! they're gone!" and i slammed the door in his face. i haven't been back to the house except to get my things out of there since. so now i'm permanently gonna live down here in the springs.

It's nice being down here in my old house. the puppies are doing fine, and i'm recovering from my sickness. i must say though, having to just pack up and leave, while good for things in the long run (less stress on me, i have a sanctuary back, my puppies are welcome again) the commute to denver for school, while only 2 days a week, is going to be a bitch, and being forceably ripped from my friends and family up there in denver has been something of a thing that makes me feel a bit more detached and alone. i mean i do get to talk to them on the internet and WoW, but they all seam so... so far away. ya know? i wish i could move them down here with me so i won't be so far away incase i break down and need them. this is going to be hard. i know it. but i have to look out for my self now, now more than ever, and i had to move out of that house because my physical health was starting to be effected by just being there. my choices were, live there and come home to extream amounts of stress and get sicker and sicker, or move an hour away from everything i know and have a peaceful, stress free environment where i can mentally and physically heal. it was a hard choice to make, but in the end, self preservation won.

So to all my readers, please just be there for me... that's enough!